Jingle Bell Lock(down)


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It’s November 30th and I’m sat, cross-legged on the sofa, admiring my Santa-red Christmas-pudding print pyjama bottoms, happily acknowledging the smudgy glow of yellowy fairy lights in my peripheral vision. Yes, it’s November and for the first time in my life, the Christmas tree is up, not just before December, but before December 12th. If […]

November 30, 2020

Young Dumb Thrills


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I grimace at the little bag in my lap, chocolate that was once decorated carefully, lovingly on the outside of my truffles, now smeared over the inside of the bag. Sweaty. Warm. Perhaps July wasn’t the right month to transport my homemade gift from Portsmouth to Birmingham in the backseat of the car in my […]

November 16, 2020

Lockdown Actually


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It’s a Saturday and it’s lockdown number two and plans for a socially distanced walk have been scuppered by the tentative, British November weather. The tentative, British November weather that means, by the time you’ve finished writing a message to your friend to say ‘It’s stopped raining!’, you’re interrupted by the pitter patter I used […]

November 14, 2020

Throw-catch-throw-catch


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The disc slices through the air and I marvel as it travels towards the sun, disappearing for a second, before it begins its downward journey and lands in my brother’s expecting hands. “99,” I announce, my eyes wide. The air around us is still as we silently postpone our celebrations with goofy smiles and clammy, […]

August 2, 2020

Damp toilet paper


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Hungover, a couple of weeks ago, Aaron and I were watching Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back. To Aaron’s utter dismay, they were investigating and shining a UV light on a Bournemouth hotel we had stayed in just over a year ago. Because nothing says a spontaneous, romantic getaway like an army of dead flies trapped […]

July 25, 2020

Arriving today by 8PM


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The anticipation of waiting for an Amazon parcel has stepped up a notch since lockdown begun. Before, if I ended up being out somewhere or at work when a parcel was due, it was no biggie. The contents of that package was not the be all and end all. It was not the highlight of […]

July 3, 2020

A day in the life of furlough


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06:45: Just ignore your alarm. You set that before you spent two hours and twenty-seven minutes chastising yourself for retiring from cart-wheeling and bending your body into a ‘crab’ every day back when you were nine. Had you continued your infant gymnastics, you wouldn’t have pulled the whole of your lower body while practicing the […]

June 26, 2020

Shall we order a takeaway?


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“Shall we order a takeaway?” Aaron asks me, about six hours before we would actually consider picking up the phone to place an order. Our eyes duet, moving in unison before they fall upon my most recent regrettable purchase. The bathroom scales. The scales that betrayed I Literally Cannot Put on Weight Even if I […]

June 19, 2020

The garden party


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“What happened when a French chef ended up working in an Italian?” I looked at my brother. “He made spaguettes.” Jordan grinned. “What course did the Italian sign up to because he had an interest in language?” This time I looked at my mum, willing her to make it stop, but Jordan had cycled 70 […]

June 12, 2020

My noughties playlist


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As I sat across from the car salesman and he told me my shiny blue 69 plate would not, in fact, have a CD player, looking smug as he said something about bluetooth, I gasped. What about my Now That’s What I Call Music! collection? “You’re the first young person to want a CD player.” […]

May 29, 2020