Arriving today by 8PM


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The anticipation of waiting for an Amazon parcel has stepped up a notch since lockdown begun. Before, if I ended up being out somewhere or at work when a parcel was due, it was no biggie. The contents of that package was not the be all and end all. It was not the highlight of […]

July 3, 2020

A day in the life of furlough


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06:45: Just ignore your alarm. You set that before you spent two hours and twenty-seven minutes chastising yourself for retiring from cart-wheeling and bending your body into a ‘crab’ every day back when you were nine. Had you continued your infant gymnastics, you wouldn’t have pulled the whole of your lower body while practicing the […]

June 26, 2020

Shall we order a takeaway?


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“Shall we order a takeaway?” Aaron asks me, about six hours before we would actually consider picking up the phone to place an order. Our eyes duet, moving in unison before they fall upon my most recent regrettable purchase. The bathroom scales. The scales that betrayed I Literally Cannot Put on Weight Even if I […]

June 19, 2020

The garden party


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“What happened when a French chef ended up working in an Italian?” I looked at my brother. “He made spaguettes.” Jordan grinned. “What course did the Italian sign up to because he had an interest in language?” This time I looked at my mum, willing her to make it stop, but Jordan had cycled 70 […]

June 12, 2020

Five kilometres


The Adventures of a Kathlete

Every other day I run five kilometres. Sometimes I run ten kilometres but, when I do, I wish I was only running five. As I run, I imagine the days when I used to run 21 kilometres but I am only really writing that because I want to let you know that, before all of this, I used to […]

June 5, 2020

My noughties playlist


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As I sat across from the car salesman and he told me my shiny blue 69 plate would not, in fact, have a CD player, looking smug as he said something about bluetooth, I gasped. What about my Now That’s What I Call Music! collection? “You’re the first young person to want a CD player.” […]

May 29, 2020

Sundays


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“What shall we do today?” I used to ask Aaron every Sunday morning, as we begun the final day of the week together, having forgotten once again to make any plans for our one mutual day off. “I’m not sure,” he’d look at me. “What do you think?” This would go on for a while, […]

May 24, 2020

I am the technical problem


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It was my turn to host the weekly family virtual quiz. As the first person to assume this responsibility for the second time, I wanted to raise the bar. The day prior I spent three hours collating three rounds and 30 questions onto a PowerPoint presentation, commanding text and pictures to ‘fly in’ or ‘swivel’, […]

May 22, 2020

The furloughs & the fur-highs #2


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It’s 01:15 and I have just been speaking with one of my closest friends, having realised we were both bathing in blue light far too late into the night. Wide awake, we spoke about why lenses are circular but photographs are rectangular; we spit-balled podcast ideas and decided that the Queen should host a royal, […]

May 15, 2020