When this hangover has passed, I tell myself as I drain my glass of its water a little too hastily, I won’t have a drink for another week. Maybe two weeks actually.
No, one week is fine.
When this hangover has passed, I will go for a walk and listen to a podcast that will, through osmosis, make me wiser and expand my vocabulary to incorporate words such as ‘prolific’ and ‘psyche’ (which I almost certainly will use out of context).
When this hangover has passed, I will set my alarm for 6AM tomorrow and start painting the living room.
When this hangover has passed, I will tend to the three very squishy bananas in the fruit bowl (that I can smell from the sofa, doing nothing for the tentative feeling of nausea in my throat) and make some banana, raspberry and chocolate chip muffins (recipe to the right).
When this hangover has passed, I will make up for the ways I abused my body last night and also this morning when I opted for a two packet of crisps and Diet Coke kind of breakfast. But for now, I will demolish a packet of Tangfastics. And then some popcorn.
When this hangover has passed, I will take a long overdue shower and scrub away the lingering scent of back-of-the-alcohol-cupboard Ouzo perfume wafting from my arms.
When this hangover has passed, I will be a better friend, sister, daughter and girlfriend. But, today, I will turn off my phone and demand Aaron make me tacos for dinner.
When this hangover has passed, I will become the kind of person who irons her clothes as soon as they are dried.
When this hangover has passed, I will become the kind of person who dries the dishes and never lets them linger for
24 2 hours on the draining board after washing.
When this hangover has passed, I will have a zest for life; people will look at me and say “She has a certain je ne sais quoi, doesn’t she?” But not today. Today, I will pull my greasy hair into a bun, ask Aaron to turn the television down because I am trying to nap and take yesterday’s grimy make up off when I go to bed at 8PM.
Banana, raspberry & choc chip muffins
Makes 14 (which is a bit random)
- 75g butter (I use Stork’s original baking block), diced
- 200g self raising flour
- 50g caster sugar
- 50g golden caster sugar
- 270g/3 over-ripe bananas
- 2 eggs
- 2 tbsp golden syrup
- 50g dark chocolate chips
- 50g raspberries
- 1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
- A couple of pinches of salt
- Sieve the flour and bicarbonate of soda into a bowl. Add the salt and mix together
- Add in the butter and rub together using your fingertips until the mixture is fine
- Add in the caster and golden caster sugar and stir together
- Mash the bananas with a fork (or a potato masher!) and beat together with the eggs and golden syrup
- Pour this into the flour mixture and mix together until smooth
- Stir in the raspberries and chocolate chips
- Fill your cases with the mixture – if you only have one muffin tin, like me, you may have to do a second batch with just two extra cases in
- Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown
When this hangover has passed, I will throw away the naked toilet roll tube that
either Aaron or I decided to abandon on the toilet roll sink instead of walking six steps to dispose of it in the recycling bin.
When this hangover has passed, I will finally learn the lyrics to Lafeyette’s rap in Hamilton’s Guns and Ships.
“When this hangover has passed,” I say to my boyfriend who is looking unphased after bottle of wine and a few beers, “I will-“
“Do you fancy a beer?” he interrupts.
I pull myself up from the safety of the sofa I chose to comfort me at 9AM this morning when I hobbled into the living room, dazed and sporting bruises from a very over-enthusiastic one-person duet of Why Did it Have to be Me when we watched Mamma Mia 2 at midnight last night.
“Go on then,” I reply.