In the UK, nothing breeds togetherness like binge-drinking. Drinking pint after pint of golden lager to dilute the tendencies we have to be a bit up-tight and so well-mannered that we’re actually a bit rude. Put simply, we’re a nation of suppressed, stoic individuals who need a beer to lighten up. Except that we’re so […]
The disc slices through the air and I marvel as it travels towards the sun, disappearing for a second, before it begins its downward journey and lands in my brother’s expecting hands. “99,” I announce, my eyes wide. The air around us is still as we silently postpone our celebrations with goofy smiles and clammy, […]
Hungover, a couple of weeks ago, Aaron and I were watching Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back. To Aaron’s utter dismay, they were investigating and shining a UV light on a Bournemouth hotel we had stayed in just over a year ago. Because nothing says a spontaneous, romantic getaway like an army of dead flies trapped […]
When this hangover has passed, I tell myself as I drain my glass of its water a little too hastily, I won’t have a drink for another week. Maybe two weeks actually. No, one week is fine. When this hangover has passed, I will go for a walk and listen to a podcast that will, […]
I rearranged my suitcase before kneeling on its top, willing the zip to budge. I took out a pair of shoes and two t-shirts. I knelt again, a bead of sweat falling from the top of my forehead and splashing onto the top of my suitcase. “You know if you just buy a Kindle you […]
The anticipation of waiting for an Amazon parcel has stepped up a notch since lockdown begun. Before, if I ended up being out somewhere or at work when a parcel was due, it was no biggie. The contents of that package was not the be all and end all. It was not the highlight of […]
06:45: Just ignore your alarm. You set that before you spent two hours and twenty-seven minutes chastising yourself for retiring from cart-wheeling and bending your body into a ‘crab’ every day back when you were nine. Had you continued your infant gymnastics, you wouldn’t have pulled the whole of your lower body while practicing the […]
“Shall we order a takeaway?” Aaron asks me, about six hours before we would actually consider picking up the phone to place an order. Our eyes duet, moving in unison before they fall upon my most recent regrettable purchase. The bathroom scales. The scales that betrayed I Literally Cannot Put on Weight Even if I […]
With the recent harrowing and tragic murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor at the hands of police brutality, the world has been forced to take a hard, overdue look in the mirror. To understand that ‘not being racist’ doesn’t cut it, and that it never did. To accept ignorance isn’t bliss and that actively […]
“What happened when a French chef ended up working in an Italian?” I looked at my brother. “He made spaguettes.” Jordan grinned. “What course did the Italian sign up to because he had an interest in language?” This time I looked at my mum, willing her to make it stop, but Jordan had cycled 70 […]